What not to say to an accountant...

Here's a random selection of contributions received from accountants a few years ago in response to the question: What do clients say that winds you up?

• "I just popped everything in this carrier bag here - I knew you could sort it all out for me."
• "My friend's accountant says....."
• "I need a mortgage reference - you WILL make the figures look good for me won't you?"
• "A friend in the pub said that he's certain that...."
• "My van was broken into and........... all of my receipts were stolen"
• "My son has been onto the HMRC web site and......."
• " I've already signed my tax return. Just fill in the details as usual"
• "If I've made that much money, where's it all gone" Answer: "You've spent it, sunshine"
• "I've checked my tax return and it's wrong...the profit figure on the accounts isn't the same as the taxable profits figure on the tax return"
• "It shouldn't be much work"
• "You can't have our bank statements we have shredded them. It said on the news that the police wanted everyone to shred their bank statements to avoid ID theft"
• "How can I have made such much profit when I've no money left in the bank"
• "My mate in the pub knows someone whose uncle-in-law reckons that I'm being overcharged"
• "Wow that's a lot less than I'm currently paying my accountant" (at which point you start to ask - why? What have I missed? - or doh!!)

Hat Tip Mark Lee